I tend to get out of the house before the kiddo is awake. Dora takes her to school while I make the trek into Boston. I was dragging my feet this morning (let's be honest, I overslept), so I was still home when she woke up. She barreled down the stairs and threw herself at me. And then I noticed it....the stuffy nose. On the one week of the year that I absolutely cannot take time off to just be mom. And you know what? I hate that. I hate that this week if she wakes up with a fever or more stuffed up, I can't be the one to stay home to take care of her.
Working out of the house means running at warp speed every single day. It means disappointing someone (many someones) every single day. It means persistent anxiety. Traffic issues and public transportation woes thwart any hopes of an easy and smooth commute more often that not. I'm not blind to the side eye I get as I walk out the door at 4 or 4:30, despite having put in an 8 or 9 hour day already. Apparently all the magic happens between 4:30 and 5.
I hate that we have almost no options for extracurricular activities. Apparently the YMCA thinks that every child should be able to attend swimming or karate between 3 and 5. There are no classes later than 5. That is virtually impossible for us to do. We are not the only two-working parent family in Massachusetts - why not accommodate this wanting public, YMCA?!
And then I read articles about how I'm supposed to take care of myself in all of this. I think that means exercise. In my world, my options are 4AM or 10PM workouts to ensure the child is not left home alone whilst I burn my calories. Y'all, that is just absurd. Pre-kid I was a 5AM workout person. I love not having the 'I have to go to the gym' mantra pulsating through my head through the day. But 4AM? I'm tired.
When my brother-in-law's nuptials were impending I was deeply motivated to get to the gym every night at 10PM. (PSA: Buy your bridesmaid dress a size down!) And then they got married and well, that was June. I didn't even bother making a resolution in January to get into shape. It's not like I don't know that I need to, I just don't really know how to do it anymore. (PSA: Someone else needs to get engaged and put me in their wedding.)
I don't want this to spark a debate between work out of home moms and stay at home moms. It's all hard. I get that. But this is my blog and I get to bitch and whine about my own situation, right? I think I would be a lousy total stay at home mom. I do not have the patience of a saint. When she has hard days or I have hard days I joke about quitting and staying home to homeschool her, but let's be honest, that just wouldn't be good for anyone.
I am grateful for my job. I think the work I do is important. I'm good at it. But it's unrealistic to want it all. I think I'm a good mom and I'm a pretty good employee, but I'd love for just a day to not feel like I'm making it all work by the skin of my teeth.
Disclaimer: I am eternally grateful we both have jobs.
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